How to make friends and influence people by Dale Carnegie
Last night I went to the reunion with my high school friends. When I first got the invite, my instinct was to make up an excuse and skip it.
Fears and doubts rushed in: I look too old. I’ve gained weight. Will I have anyone to talk to?
But I stopped myself. I missed too many social opportunities when I was younger due to my fears and doubts. I was not going to miss another one just because I feel scared. And I remembered something else:
We rarely regret the things we do. We always regret the things we don’t.
So I picked myself up, dyed my hair, put my heels on, and went to that dinner. And I had a great time—laughing, talking, reconnecting. It felt warm and real.
I applied a few principles from the book How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie that I read recently (what a great timing!), and I have to say they work.
About Dale Carnegie
Dale Carnegie was a pioneer in self-improvement, communication, and public speaking. His most famous book, How to Win Friends and Influence People (1936), has sold over 30 million copies and remains a cornerstone of personal development.
Why do his books stand out? He teaches us how to truly connect with others. His books are simple and direct (no fluff), and he gives tremendously important advice on how to listen, speak, and treat other people.
This advice can significantly impact your friendships, family life, or business.
How to make friends
I showed genuine interest in others
“You can make more friends in two months by being interested in others than in two years by trying to get people interested in you.”
People like to talk about themselves. If you are struggling with what to say, ask a question about their family or work.
One of the girls next to me started telling me about how difficult her work is and how she feels stressed out. I felt she wanted to share her difficulties, so I just listened.
It gave her relief, and at the same time, I was really interested in what she had to say. So, it is a win-win situation. After that, she wanted to share her experience during her trip to France. It was really interesting to hear it, and it will also be so useful when I travel. I was really interested in her experience.
So there are two most important advice in this book when you interact with others: Show interest in other people and Talk in terms of their interest (not your own!).
I smiled and laughed a lot
“The expression one wears on one’s face is far more important than the clothes one wears on one’s back.”
When you are nervous, it is not easy to smile. You feel tight, scared, and that shows on your face.
But when you look friendly and you smile a lot, people like to be around you. So I made sure to find reasons to smile and laugh at my friends’ jokes. That helped me conquer my nerves and start feeling better about myself.
And even if those first few laughs were more nervous than genuine, they helped me boost my mood and get out of my mind.
So if you are in an awkward social situation, make sure to smile a lot. People are naturally drawn to positive energy and want to be around it.
Smiling also helps you feel better and improve your mood.
I made other people feel important
“Make the other person feel important — and do it sincerely.
Here are a few ways I made other people feel important at this dinner:
- I was fully present, and I put my phone in my purse
- I made eye contact and did not interrupt them
- I asked for advice
- I praised their achievements and was compassionate to their problems
It is important to do all this naturally and sincerely. Giving out compliments artificially looks false and will not give any results. But if you are attentive, if you really listen and ask questions, people open up and feel the need to connect with you.
I left the dinner feeling good about myself, feeling I connected with others, and learned a lot of new things.
I used their names
People like to hear their name. So when you are talking to someone, mention their name often. And try to remember the names of new acquaintances you make.
This is a huge problem for me as I forget names as soon as I hear them. I have difficulty remembering the names of my neighbours. But after reading this book, I realized how important it is to make others feel valued and noticed.
And it is such a small thing to do, to remember someone’s name and use it in conversation.
Final thoughts
I read How to Win Friends and Influence People at the right time, just as I was about to meet a lot of people I do not see often. The practical advice helped me understand better how to approach people and connect with them.
For some, this comes naturally. For others, it takes work.
So this is a book for you if you feel awkward in social situations, if you have difficulty making friends, and connecting with others.
It gives clear advice, tips, and examples. And you can start implementing the tips right away in your daily life.
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