The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, book review
The four agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz are 1) Be impeccable with your word 2) Don’t take anything personally, 3) Don’t make assumptions, 4) Always do your best.
Death is not the biggest fear we have; our biggest fear is taking the risk to be alive — the risk to be alive and express what we really are.
Don Miguel Ruiz
Who is Don Miguel Ruiz?
Don Miguel Ruiz is a Mexican author known for his teachings on Toltec spirituality and neoshamanism.
The Four Agreements, published in 1997, was a New York Times bestseller for over a decade.
Other books have followed: The Mastery of Love, The Voice of Knowledge, The Circle of Fire, The Four Agreements Companion Book, and The Fifth Agreement, a collaboration with his son Don José. His book The Toltec Art of Life and Death was published in late 2015.
Why I chose to read The Four Agreements
In the last couple of years, I have been trying to understand why I make the decisions I make and why I struggle to move forward with my life and resolve my issues.
I find that these books help you better understand your thought processes and why you feel the way you do. They also help you move forward.
I started reading a lot of self-help books, and I always share the best ones on this blog. It’s a way for me to make sure I remember why I liked the book and the main insights from it.
I also use my reading journal to write down the main ideas. I recommend you do the same if you decide to read this book as well.
What are the four agreements?
Be Impeccable with Your Word
“Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean. Avoid using the word to speak against yourslef or to gossip about others. Use your power of your word in the direction of truth and love.”
As a kid, I noticed that some people enjoyed making fun of me or simply hurting my feelings. One of them was my aunt, who would always try to say something mean about my looks or the clothes that I was wearing.
As a small kid, I did not understand the power that words hold. I did not understand that hearing bad comments about myself was affecting my confidence, which would then take me years to build.
She enjoyed making you feel small. She got sick as I got older, and by that time, she argued with everyone in the family, including her parents, brother, and son. She died alone and bitter till the very end.
This taught me the importance of words and a positive mindset.
I realized quickly that this is not how I want to live, and how I want to meet death.
In this part of the book, you will find out about the importance of your words. The way words shaped you from childhood. And how a single sentence can change your life.
Carefully choose your words when you speak about others and yourself. Speak with integrity. Say only what you mean.
When you stop using mean, ugly words, your whole life will change. Tell yourself that you are beautiful, that you are great, magnificent. Use words to dispel all these small agreements we made throughout our lives, which we falsely believe.
Don’t Take Anything Personally
Whatever happens around you, don’t take it personally. Nothing other people do is because of you. It is because of themselves. All people live in their own dream, in their own mind;
As a kid, I always tried to fit in. To change myself to be more likable, more popular. But I could only ever be myself, and as I grew older, I slowly returned to my favorite habits, routines, and things I liked.
The truth is that as we grow older, we become braver. We realize the time is passing, and we can only ever live now.
So if someone tells you you are ugly or lazy, don’t take it personally. It is a projection of who they are. I, too, had many instances when someone would tell me I could not do something, I am not worthy enough to be in the team, I am conceited, I am stupid, but now I know that never had anything to do with me.
It was all about them. And the issues they were having.
When you truly stop caring what other people think, you start to feel free. Free to do whatever you want, free to choose your own life path, free to take risks and not care what anyone will say.
The author advises us to put this agreement on a piece of paper and on our fridge.
Don’t Make Assumptions
The problem with making assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real.
We make a lot of assumptions about ourselves, but also about other people. In this chapter, what stuck with me the most was the section about making assumptions about people we love.
We assume who they are, we base our relationships on that, and then we realize this is not true, and we want to change them.
But true love is being with someone without wanting to change them. And if you want to change them, that means you don’t like them.
The advice here is to ask as many questions as possible to find out who someone is. Never assume; always ask. That way, you will ensure you have no regrets and you know the truth.
Always Do Your Best
You can have many ideas in your head, but what will make the difference is action. Without action on your ideas, there will be no manifestation, there will be no results, there will be no reward.
The last agreement is the one that will help you implement the previous three. It means we need to always do our best. No more, and no less.
It means we need to reject passivity and embrace an active life. That is the only way to realize our dreams.
This advice is particularly important today, as we spend most of our days scrolling through phones, watching tv, always just sitting and watching other people live.
Living life fully means taking action, and if there is one thing you should take from this book, then let it be that.
You will not always be impeccable with your words, sometimes you will make assumptions, and you will take someone’s comment personally, but if you always do your best, you will make progress, you will create new habits, and change yourself day by day.
Why everyone should read this book
The book breaks down four clear, actionable principles that can change how you think, speak, and live.
It tackles some of the biggest obstacles people face during their lives: inactivity, dependency, procrastination, and lack of freedom. By practicing the four agreements, you shift from reacting to life to consciously creating it.
Final thoughts
I would lie if I said that I now follow and live by the four agreements.
It is not easy to stay in control all day and prevent myself from spiraling into old behaviors. But I always try to do my best.
If you need some help to retain more from the books you read, check out my post Read Smarter: How to Retain More from Every Book You Read.
And if you do try out the four agreements yourself, let me know how it goes for you!
