Book Review: Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins
“No one is coming to save you. You must save yourself from yourself. You have to force yourself to make little moves forward, all day, every day, especially when you don’t feel like it.”
Mel robbins
Let Them Theory is built around a simple idea: stop trying to control other people and focus on what you can control — yourself. I break down this theory and share what I liked and disliked about this book.
If you’re tired from trying to manage everyone else’s behaviour, The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins offers a simple fix: Let them.
I was a little hesitant to read this book. I’ve read a lot of self-help books over the years, and I usually avoid titles that are currently trending on social media.
On the other hand, I had seen a few of Mel Robbins’ videos on YouTube, and while I was never a real fan, I did notice something: she has a friendly and approachable voice, the kind that could translate well into writing.
So I decided to give the book a chance.
At its core, the book is about letting go of what you can’t control and focusing on what you can — yourself.
Is the book difficult to read?
This is a straightforward book, with no complex language or style.
Mel has a gift for making big ideas feel simple. She writes exactly how she talks: warm, direct, and down-to-earth. The style is conversational, like you are having a chat with a friend over a cup of coffee.
That said, I found myself struggling toward the end.
Not because of the style of writing, but because once the core idea is established, much of the book focuses on expanding that concept in similar ways. As a result, certain sections felt repetitive and I got a bit bored.
I guess that you should think of The Let Them Theory as less like a “start-to-finish” read and more like a life guide. One you can return to whenever you need a reminder to step back and focus on yourself.
What is the “”Let Them” Theory
“If your friends are not inviting you out to brunch this weekend, Let Them. If the person that you’re really attracted to is not interested in a commitment, Let Them. If your kids do not want to get up and go to that thing with you this week, Let Them. So much time and energy is wasted on forcing other people to match our expectations. And the truth is, if somebody else—a person you’re dating, a business partner, a family member—if they’re not showing up how you need them to show up, do not try to force them to change. Let Them be themselves because they are revealing who they are to you. Just Let Them and then you get to choose what you do next.”
The concept behind this book is straightforward: Let them.
Let them ignore your text, let them lie, let them eat the way they want to. Let them act however they choose to act, because ultimately, people will do what they want, whether we try to control them or not.
The theory suggests that much of our stress comes from resisting how others behave. You should stop trying to control other people and situations, and focus instead on what you can control: your own actions, reactions, and decisions.
The theory is built on two parts:
- Let Them: Let people be who they are, without trying to change or fix them (because the truth is, you can’t control or change other people). Through their actions, they are revealing who they are and that is the key.
- Let Me: Shift the focus back to yourself and what you can control, e.g. your choices, your emotions, your habits.
The beauty of this theory lies in its simplicity. It’s not a a complicated process. It’s a mindset shift.
And Mel explores how this mindset can be applied across every area of life, from relationships and friendships to kids, work, and personal identity.
Mel breaks it all down through personal stories from her own life, medical research, and real-life examples.
Her personal stories are very relatable and I realized that I have very similar stories in my own life, too.
My 3 biggest takeaways from The Let Them Theory
“Let them” does not work without “Let me”
Let Me is where your real power lies. It’s in Let Me that you take responsibility for your next move, for creating the life, relationships, and connection you want. Without this step, you’ll find yourself disconnected rather than empowered.
Mel robbins
Letting someone be who they are doesn’t mean approving their behavior. It means clearly deciding whether you can accept it and acting accordingly.
So the “let me” part is the most crucial part of this theory, it is where you take your power back and get to decide what your actions are going to be.
Sometimes, when it comes to family, we can’t just walk away. But we can stop reacting, arguing, begging and free ourselves of the burdain we feel.
No one is coming to save you
One of the biggest takeaways from the book is to understand that only you have the power to change yourlife.
Your life, happiness, health, social life, friendships, success are all your responsibility.
We often wait for the “right moment,” for someone else to accept our decision or validate our idea, but the truth is it is up to us to make a decision and take action.
How the Let Them Theory Works in Real Life
One of the clearest ideas in Let Them Theory is that trying to change other people often leads to frustration or loss.
I lost a friend from high school because she was always late. At the time, I believed she should change. Looking back now, I see that I could have asked myself a simpler question: Was she valuable enough to me that I could tolerate her lateness? If the answer was yes, then I should have accepted her as she was.
The book also makes an important distinction: “let them” doesn’t mean tolerating behavior that goes against your values.
When the gap is fundamental, the right response isn’t to wait for change, but to step away.
In my own life, I’ve experienced lying, betrayal, and being treated as if I didn’t exist. For a long time, I believed apologies — sorry, it won’t happen again — even when the same behavior repeated itself.
This is where the idea of “let them” becomes practical. You let people show you who they are and believe their actions, not their words.
And just as importantly, you “let yourself” end relationships that don’t work and make space for people who share your values around love, life, and commitment.
What I Liked About the Book
I liked the straightforward and friendly tone and down to earth examples from her life.
The ideas are very nicely explained and some of the advice is something I would have liked to know in my 20s when I defined relationships with my friends, family, and coworkers.
What I Did Not Love
I enjoyed the first part of the book and then I struggled to finish it as it became too repetative. I would have prefered the shorter, more to the point version of the book.
But this does not deminish the value of the advice she shares in the book.
Final Thoughts
The Let Them Theory by Mel Robbins is not a complex book and that’s what makes it work. It isn’t groundbreaking and you can find the majority of ideas in other books.
Yet, the way she delivers the message is very direct and powerful. I do recommend this book especially if you are young and you feel drained by trying to keep everyone happy.
Was it a bit long for the message it delivered? Yes. But I do believe that even if you just read first chapters and browse through the rest you’ll still take something valuable from it.
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